Hell Yeah! – THE CONJURING: THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT (2021)

When the third Conjuring movie was released last month I did not pay much attention to it as the trailer was underwhelming to me. Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed the first and second movies but this new one looked boring and predictable, like, yes, I know the Warrens were real people and the movies were based on their demonic possession cases but, come on, a guy claiming to having murdered against his will and going to jail for it and having the Warrens at his trial trying to prove that the devil made him do it? Really? Nah, I don’t wanna see a two-hour-long spooky Law & Order episode, I have Hulu for that thank you so much.  

Anyway, cut to a couple of days ago when I had nothing better to do so I took myself to the movies and unironically purchased a ticket for The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021). Long story short, the trailer was full of shit and the annoying trial thingy turned out to be NOT the focus of the film per se and the entire movie was amazing, next level, perfection, a breath of fresh air, a cinematic gift from the Gods, if you will.

Plus, since this was officially my very first horror movie on the big screen post lockdown, my whole mind, body, and soul were primed for a scary good time in the comfort of a big movie theater with popcorn and soda on deck in order to experience the engulfing visuals and surround sound. The cherry on top? I was all alone during the screening, as in, I was the only patron that night who purchased a ticket for that date, that time – I was on cloud nine! Hell yeah!

SPOILERS AHEAD

This time around, Lorraine Warren was portrayed as a stronger woman, wearing the pants in the relationship, taking care of business, literally running, crawling, fighting, kicking butt. The Lorraine of the 80’s would be the one you’d want to call if the shit hit the fan.

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Ed Warren, on the other hand, didn’t look so hot as aging and a bad heart got the best of him, after all, he was almost 20 years older than Lorraine so the man was there, wheelchair and cane in tow, ready to help his wife, literally holding her purse while she went investigating the sinister events surrounding Arne’s legal problems. To be fair, towards the end, he regained his strength and was able to use those big, strong arms of his to destroy the witch’s altar.

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The witch, better known as The Occultist, was nothing more than a woman with a demonic agenda, you see, she promised the devil a soul in exchange of, well, I actually don’t know, I might have missed that part in the movie but I bet it had something to do with power, money, or eternal youth, you know, the good old classics. So, The Occultists was the estranged daughter of another paranormal professional who happened to be an acquaintance of the Warrens, and she was using a sequence of spells and totems to make people do stuff on her behalf in order to get said soul to the devil.

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One of The Occultist initial victims was an 11-year old kid, but (surprise!) the Warrens ended up releasing him from her spell/witch possession and unbeknownst to her the malevolent curse “jumped” to the kid’s older sister’s fiancé, Arne, which (surprise surprise) ultimately benefited her as the strength of a possessed grown man was better than that of a little kid. And yes, of course, just as she wanted him to, Arne did kill for her and that is the only reason why you and I are here today talking about this movie.

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The Warrens tried to prove the innocence of Arne Cheyenne Johnson, the 19-year-old claiming to have been possessed against his will by the devil (The Occultist) a few months after a demon “jumped” into him when he, himself, “invited” him in (the demon) as a desperate act while in attendance at the exorcism of the before mentioned 11-year-old (I know, it’s a lot). The murder was a real true crime case that was taken to the Connecticut Superior Court in 1981 in which Arne was found guilty in the murder of his landlord (Alan Bono in real life, Bruno Sauls in the movie) and on November 24, 1981, he was convicted of first-degree manslaughter and sentenced to 10-20 years in prison (only served five). [NOTE: If you would like to know more details about the trial, I suggest you watch this YT video by Estela Naiad.]

So now you know my favorable opinion about the new Conjuring movie and should not surprise you that I highly recommend you go watch it on the big screen as soon as possible. One thing I would like to mention before I close this post is, and all in the name of full transparency, that there were a couple of teeny-tiny aspects that I disliked with a passion:

1st - The ambiance of the film was too dark, like, unnecessarily so and sometimes I found myself thinking, You guys, it’s okay for you to turn on the lights, you will still be spooky and shit. I mean, no joke, it was surprising how out of their way production went to have poorly lit rooms, relying on small lamps, candles, and flashlights… it was almost comical!

2nd - Also almost comical? How the writers tried hard to bias our judgment against the landlord (Arne’s victim) as they portrayed him as the worst person ever, an irresponsible, noisy drunk whose dead would be a positive thing for us watching the movie—the character blasted extremely loud music when on camera, so to see him onscreen was to experience pain in our ears IRL—and a total injustice for poor Arne. The devil made Arne kill? The writers made me enjoy the kill.

In Love and Fear,

-Marath

P.S. The possessed corpse from the morgue? #iconic #moreplease

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© 2016-2021

Ouch, His Feelings! – THE STEPFATHER (1987)

Hello horror friend! How are you doing? Hope you’ve been having a fantastic summer so far, going out, doing stuff, enjoying life. Wanna hear a secret? Summer is one of my favorite seasons so I’ve been loving this delicious warm weather and do not want it to end! And this weekend is the Fourth of July so my heart is glowing with excitement for the Holiday and the three-day weekend!

Okay, okay, enough about life, let’s talk horror, shall we?

So, do you know how most of the time horror movies don’t do a good job at explaining the motive behind the killer’s actions? Well, The Stepfather (1987) is not one of those movies as it does a great job at showing you why the bad guy does what he does, and—oh my goodness gracious, it is a big and—it goes as far as making you feel empathy and compassion for him and think, Hey, you know what, you gotta do what you gotta do, baby, we all deserve to be happy somehow! #live #youdoyou

Enter Jerry Blake and his many complicated, yet reasonable and relatable emotional layers. He might be a horrible person but he is doing his best, alright? To be content, all he needs is a well-respected job (this time as a Realtor), a pleasant appearance (this time as a well-suited, well-groomed, charming gentleman), a beautiful wife (this time Susan), a kid (this time 16-year-old Stephanie), a dog (this time a cute mutt), and a beautiful house (this time in Washington State). All Jerry ever wanted was the perfect life and the perfect family.

The problem with perfection is that it does not exist, and just like in the arts, the perfect life is subjective, so while you might think that a quiet and predictable life in the suburbs with a wife and kids is the perfect life, I might think it is the worst thing that could ever happen to me, after all, nothing beats the hustle and bustle of city life with multiple lovers, money in the bank, and the flexibility of a life abundant in freedom!

Time and time again Jerry was reminded that the perfect life and the perfect family did not exist, however, and this was one of his worse character flaws (murdering being the worst, of course), instead of trying to work things out he would give up the minute his “perfect family image” was damaged. One, two, three, done. The emotional link was broken and in a few weeks he would kill the “soiled” family and move on to his next identity, his next household, his next life.

Here, this was the moment in the film when I felt bad for Jerry, right after he had a “terrible” fight with his wife and step-daughter, the moment when he was walking around his neighborhood in deep thought, aware enough of his surroundings to notice a lovely family, the family he knew he deserved.

The clock started ticking and Jerry had a big to-do list ahead of him; quitting the real estate brokerage firm, using the nine-to-five free hours of the day to go scouting for a new city, applying for a new job, changing his physical appearance, and starting making personal connections in the new community so immediately after the old family was no more he could easily move to the new one.

Jerry was a dangerous and selfish chameleon and nothing would stop his unattainable obsession with perfection, not in the past, not in the present, not in the future.

If I were to choose something remotely close to a moral of the story it would be this: It does not matter how much you dislike your current family and your current life, at least you can rest assured in the knowledge that you are not a psychopath and instead are a sane, law-abiding citizen with baseline moral values that politely tell you to shut up & suck it up like a well-adjusted adult. Don’t be a Jerry. Don’t be a disappointment. #life #dobetter

In Love and Fear,

-Marath

© 2016-2021

Yes to YAZ! – The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is my favorite horror franchise as it not only deals with a fucked up family (so scandalous!) but also with a timeless supervillain, Leatherface.

I am not going to lie, sometimes my brain hurts while trying to make sense of the many timelines and characters but, baby, the whole Texas Chainsaw universe—eight movies and counting—is very entertaining and fun to watch so it is definitely worth a headache or two lol. One thing is for sure, movie after movie, no matter the scenario or point in time, the always misunderstood Leatherface is the one who is victorious at the end of the film which makes him a true icon in the genre, and the kills, don’t forget the kills! That towering, faceless (aka emotionless aka non-human) monster of a man, armed with a chainsaw, a meat cleaver, and meat hooks equals perfection in my book.

I would like to give you now my Top 5 Yes to YAZ! list of the most enjoyable moments from the classic nightmare that is The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) remake:

No. 5 – The black & white classified police footage of the crime-scene walk-through played at the beginning and the end; the found footage style paired with the awkward interaction from those in it was so unnerving to watch and would have loved more of it.

No. 4 – Erin’s smart character; that woman was such a badass and don’t get me started with that dreamy body of hers. (I will stop here before I embarrass myself.)

No. 3 – Sheriff Hoyt and his family; they all were scary and somehow managed to be the perfect example of what gaslighting and manipulation looks like. I rather deal with Leatherface than with those demented folks, I’ll tell you that much…

No. 2 – Leatherface, my beautiful, beautiful Leatherface and his usual shenanigans; I know this must apply exclusively to me and my silly imagination, but the reason why I enjoy his character so much is because I sort of see him as a victimized child (yikes, it sounds bad when I say it aloud, doesn’t it?) trapped in the body of a powerful man whose sole purpose is to protect his family. In my mind, the family is the problem and Leatherface is just there paying the consequences of years of abuse and neglect (projecting much, are we?) – come on, this cannot be that crazy of an idea and I even bet you know what I’m talking about if you also watched Texas Chainsaw (2013) and Leatherface (2017).

No. 1 – The suicide of the young hitchhiker; this scene was extremely brutal and blew my mind, haaaard! The poor girl looked so messed up and frail that I immediately felt sorry for her and wanted to protect her. My heart hurt when she started crying and yelling to go the other way because she did not want to go back to the “bad man,” as she called him, when suddenly, she started freaking out even more and reached down her skirt and grabbed a handgun out of her vagina and put it in her mouth and pulled the trigger. Fuck.

So there you have it, bada-bing, bada-boom, the wacky Texans kept it real and did a great job as per usual. Bye, bye!

Excuse me, you mind getting the fuck outta my way, son? -Sheriff Hoyt

In Love and Fear,

-Marath

© 2016-2021