This movie reaffirmed a simple fact about happiness if you want to achieve it: DO NOT be someone you are not. Clear and to the point. Let’s begin.

Hello friend, thank you for stopping by, it is nice having you here. Today, I would like to talk about the Norwegian body horror-ish movie The Ugly Stepsister (2025) which tells the classic Cinderella fairytale, but all while focusing on the supporting character of the older stepsister, Elvira. To reiterate, even though Elvira was the main character in this new film, the story was still pretty much about the old Cinderella fairytale we all watched as children, so it ended just as we remembered it: with Cinderella getting the prince and living happily ever after.

But who was this Elvira person? She was a happy, immature eighteen-year-old, still wearing braces, big curls, with a big appetite, average face, naturally curious, extroverted, naïve, an avid reader, a good daughter, and a good big sister. And like all the maidens in the kingdom, she was infatuated with the handsome young prince thanks to his writings published in poetry books. She often daydreamt about him and it was lovely.

The problem with Elvira started when her mother remarried the local widower out of convenience, more specifically, after the mother found out—thanks to him dying unexpectedly of a heart attack—that the widower, her now late new husband, was penniless and their path to immediate financial security relied on the daughters marrying a rich man, or better yet, a rich prince. When the mother realized her prettier, younger child was too young to participate in matchmaking, her efforts focused on her less pretty, yet, age-appropriate older child, Elvira. For the record, Elvira was healthy and normal, and considered ugly and defective only by her own mother.

Witnessing Elvira’s journey from a happy young woman to a wretched one because of her selfish mom was, simply put, infuriating. I wanted to yell at the screen on more than one occasion, plead angrily to Elvira to just say No, mother! and run away from her destructive home. (Spoiler alert: that was exactly what the younger sister did at the end, so it was ultimately somewhat satisfying for me, I guess.)

Right, Elvira started second-guessing herself when her mother called her ugly and made her get cosmetic procedures: braces removal, nose job, eyelash extensions. However, she really started changing for the worse when the ballet instructor moved her all the way to the back of the class for being fat, and kept Agnes—her beautiful and svelte new stepsister—on the first row. Elvira was not fat, maybe a tiny bit plump, but that would have been also an exaggeration to say. Regardless, the finishing school headmistress gave her a tapeworm egg for her to ingest (ew) & help with losing weight quickly and without effort (o-o-o-ozempic).

Elvira, after three months of nursing a [primitive by today’s standards] nose job, was able to see on the mirror the perfect and enviable results. Her eyelash extensions had brought her much pain and temporary blindness, but had fully healed by now as well. She was thinner also as the tapeworm had worked as expected, even though it kept her hungry and malnourished, and made her hair fall out by the fistfuls due to said malnutrition. By the way, the ballet instructor noticed her new body and face and gave her the lead role as a reward. Elvira was gorgeous now, in her complete fabricated form: no braces, no big nose, no extra weight, beautiful eyelashes, and beautiful blonde wig (needed to cover the bald spots). From the outside, Elvira was a fake Agnes, except, of course, that Agnes was all natural and beautiful not only on the outside, but on the inside, even after all she was put through at the unfair, dishonest, and cruel hand of her unloving, selfish stepmother & ugly stepsister.

But who was this Agnes person? She was a kind and beautiful young woman, level-headed, well-mannered, hopeful, smart, traditional, religious, resilient, and, most importantly, a good daughter. She was also madly in-love with the stable boy and enjoyed a full, mature relationship with him (even though he and Agnes knew she would end up marrying someone much better than him, someone like a prince). When her father died, she mourned him deeply, but continued being kind. When she was made the house maid as punishment by her new stepmother for getting caught sleeping with the stable boy, she kept her head up high, worked hard, and remained being kind. Whenever she was kept isolated (no more school or ballet classes, no royal ball either) and heartbroken (the stable boy was fired and cast out of the manor), she sang quietly in gratitude and made the farm animals—her faithful work companions—her new friends, and remained kind.

Agnes was ordered by her stepmother to do personal tasks for Elvira which reduced her to a mere servant. Elvira, in disdain, mocked her and called her by the vile name of Cinderella (meaning, dirty girl by the cinders) and rejoiced in humiliating her. Elvira, in red-hot jealousy, celebrated Agnes misery. Agnes did not react, but simply kept busy and carried on. Later, when Agnes was aggressively harassed by Elvira’s ballgown dressmaker, she firmly refused his brutish advances and spat on his face; in return, he called her a whore and slapped her with force, but she did not react further, just got up and moved on.

Then, before the big day at the royal ball, and in the middle of the night while everyone was sleeping, a nostalgic Agnes quietly retrieved her old blue dress and baby shoes, but Elvira, after binge eating again in secret to satiate the tapeworm inside her, caught Agnes in the act and took the dress away from her and tore it, rendering it unwearable. Brokenhearted, Agnes ran into the room where her father’s decaying corpse was (the stepmother did not spend a penny on a proper burial), and cried and held tight to her chest the destroyed dress, she cried and pleaded to her dead father and mother, she cried some more and prayed and prayed… when all of the sudden her guardian angel (her mom’s spirit) showed up and magically repaired the dress and made it into a full evening gown, and transformed the old baby shoes into delicate heels for the ball. This was the classic Cinderella moment: an impossible wish granted, and a warning given—you shall be back before midnight.

Wait a second. What happened to Elvira? In short, she went crazy when the prince chose Agnes instead of her. All the pain and suffering she endured during those few past months were for naught. She was not the same person she was before; now she was mean, unpleasant, entitled, bitter, angry, and, the worst part, ugly on the inside. And ugly on the outside, too, thanks to her mental breakdown making her cut her own foot, falling down a flight of stairs and breaking her nose, chipping her teeth, losing the lashes and the wig. And do not forget the nasty tapeworm; when she finally and violently threw it up, it took all the light out of her eyes. Poor girl. She looked like a wretched old hag, like the hunchback of Notre Dame. Sad. This was her deformed and disabled final form – what a waste of a happy girl!

So yes, the moral of the story was to stay true to yourself (like Agnes) to have a chance at happiness, and to work with what you already have (looking at you, original Elvira) because it is yours and yours only. Clear and to the point. Goodbye.

In Love and Fear,

—Marath