THIS FRESH BLOOD: The Final Girls (2015)

Original Post Date: 04.23.17

[speechless]

My original plan for the night was to THIS-FRESH-BLOOD a different movie, I even had inserted the dvd in my computer and started watching the first trailer. And that first trailer completely stole my attention and interest. This was the trailer:

There was no way in hell I was not going to watch The Final Girls (2015) movie asap! So, after finding it online and paying $2.99 for the rental, I hit play and embarked in a very fantastic ride. Oh, this is the part where I tell you there are going to be spoilers ahead. *SPOILERS AHEAD*

So you already know the premise of the movie thanks to that sexy trailer, so let’s move on.

When Max saves her friends from the fire they get transported inside the movie they were just watching, Camp Blood Bath, and by the way, quick side note, I found it beautiful the way the Director of the film synchronized Billy’s machete movement with Max’s machete movement (it was like a dance!). Where was I? Oh yeah, when the ‘real’ guys get inside the movie they infiltrate with the ‘characters’ of the film and a bunch of interesting things happen, because remember, Camp Blood Bath was an 80’s slasher and our guys came from this current decade. I love time traveling scenarios because they are such a mindfuck –the scene with the iphone, the selfie, online shopping, references to alternative parenting… I freaking LOVED IT!

And don’t get me started on the transitions to the black & white flashbacks –they were fantastic! Dude, the room slowly changed into what looked like gigantic rain/gel droplets. OMG and the voiceover! And the lettering! The Art Department on this film completely killed it.

The movie was also funny, and I attribute it to actress Angela Trimbur who played Tina. Tina was loud, overly sexual, fearless, curious, cute, and a good dancer – dude, before she got killed and, mind you, while still super high on Adderall, she violently danced a provocative routine to attract the killer, Billy, into the house now full of baits for him.

And the scene where Max and Nancy have a heartfelt talk and Nancy pretty much sacrifices herself to save her future daughter… I almost wanted to cry.

And the scene where Max kills Billy which meant she was the final girl and then the story ends and the credits of the movie-inside-the-movie start rolling… my brain exploded!

And the scene where the ‘real’ guys are in the hospital only to find out they are actually inside the sequel… shut the front door!

I am pretty sure I am forgetting a ton of cool details, either that or the fact that it’s past midnight as I type this which means I might be a bit delirious and need to go to bed like the grandma that I am. But hey, before I go I must share with you this scene that I really enjoyed, which was not only original but extremely well done, I mean, Mr. Director, you win, you win in life, no joke on that.

This fresh blood was such a perfect surprise, a surprise I did not think I needed in my life. This was next level.

- Marath

P.S. Did I mention that I loooooved The Final Girls?

THIS FRESH BLOOD: Pet (2016)

Original Post Date: 04.02.17

What a movie! If you haven’t watched Pet (2016) yet, do yourself a favor and go watch it right now, like, at this moment, do not even waste precious minutes reading this post, just find the movie online and watch it immediately –it doesn’t matter it’s eleven pm on a Sunday, just go watch it NOW!

I applaud writers and directors who do an amazing job at surprising me. Yes, you must have an original script to work with but you also must have someone who can translate it into images. And actors, high-caliber actors who not only master the art of being human but also who make you care for their characters. When you combine talent like that, you get movies like Pet. Oh man! What a beauty!

Now, in regards to the characters, you have Holly who is your average hardworking American woman, one more waitress/writer flooding the streets of L.A., one more of us with struggles and dreams. And bad luck.

Also, you have Seth, your average hardworking American man, one more whose life seems to be absorbed by monotony and shyness, one more of us with fears and loneliness. And bad luck.

Appearances are deceiving, yes, we already knew that, but, how deceiving are they really? How badly can you judge someone based on how they look or what they do for a living? How defenseless is a woman walking home by herself at night? Likewise, how non-threatening can be that quiet guy who minds his own business and never gets in trouble? How far can you go to feel special? How far can you go to save someone?

I am happy for you, yes you reading this. If you did what I asked you to at the beginning of this entry, then you must be enjoying the first minutes of the film and about to get your mind blown. On the other hand, if you didn’t, well, good for you but seriously, go watch the goddamn movie right now, would you?

This fresh blood made me feel proud to be a horror fan. HORROR IS THE SHIT!

—Marath

STD From Hell aka Not The Target Audience aka Reasons Why I Hate IT FOLLOWS (2014)

Original Post Date: 03.26.17

I am a complicated woman. Sometimes I hate something so much that I cannot stop thinking about it. Sometimes I hate something so much that I obsess until I get it out of my system. Sometimes I watch a movie I absolutely hate more than once. Sometimes I even write about it. So, let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about IT FOLLOWS (2014).

I was curious about the movie only because of the famous freeze-frame that’s been used on many memes all over the web, you know, the one with a dead girl at the beach with her body contorted? That picture made me add the movie to my to-watch list but I pushed it to the bottom as the story did not sell it to me. But finally I got around it due to my own laziness as I was aimlessly browsing Netflix (not a sponsor) and IT FOLLOWS was there, so I clicked play. Little did I know that the famous dead girl scene belonged to the opening sequence and did not have much to do with the main character, so after that that was it. I should have clicked stop right then and I would have had a better experience. Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.

She is our main character. Her name is Jay. And that one right there is Jeff who also goes by his asshole alias “Hugh”. And I am only saying asshole alias because he is an asshole as he intentionally gave Jay an STD from hell. Yes, you read it correctly. Jeff, no, Hugh infected Jay for life with a supernatural sexually transmitted disease that cannot be cured and, allegedly, can only be contained by passing it to someone else, and should that ‘someone else’ person get killed by the supernatural STD ghost, well my friend, bad news for you.

So this is a good idea, and I honestly mean it. I do not recall another movie that used sex as the only medium for evil to spread across a population. Kudos for this. Now, my only problem with it is that by sex being the only way to transmit it, you are demonizing sex by itself which is total bullshit. But I get it, the movie is for an specific demographic which does not include me. I am not the target audience. I am a non-religious married woman in my thirties and not a Christian single girl in my teens.

Had the story made the differentiation that unprotected sex would get you killed and that protected sex (condom!) would not get you killed, then I would have had no problem with it. Give people options and do not demonize something that doesn’t need it. 

This is the perfect time to mention the reasons why I hate IT FOLLOWS: the lack of parental figures or, actually, of any other capable adults – the teenagers went about their struggles all by themselves without an older and wiser person of authority; the absurdity of coming and going to places for a long period of time without any struggle – do you want to go to my summer house to chill, or maybe to an abandoned and fully functional pool (wtf!?) to try to kill the STD ghost that follows you; or what about the asshole who infected you, do you want to pay him a visit to his house and not have an argument like a normal human being an instead drink juice at his backyard; and what about not calling 911 when you see your friend’s house been broken into by one of the STD ghosts? (for this last one, go here to watch my Instagram reaction video)

That’s it man. Phew. I feel like it’s finally over. I am done complaining about the movie. I am done. I can now move on with my life like a well-adjusted adult. I am done talking about something that affected me for being so absurd and unrealistic. But before I wrap-up this post, let me tell you that there is a vast difference between a supernatural horror movie dealing with nonrealistic human behavior, and between a supernatural horror movie dealing with real human characters who no matter how ridiculous things get for them, you know that at the end of the day they would be okay because their level-headed common sense attitude would give them a chance at survival. If they have a chance, you have a chance.

Good night, (condom)

- Marath