THIS FRESH BLOOD: Pet (2016)

Original Post Date: 04.02.17

What a movie! If you haven’t watched Pet (2016) yet, do yourself a favor and go watch it right now, like, at this moment, do not even waste precious minutes reading this post, just find the movie online and watch it immediately –it doesn’t matter it’s eleven pm on a Sunday, just go watch it NOW!

I applaud writers and directors who do an amazing job at surprising me. Yes, you must have an original script to work with but you also must have someone who can translate it into images. And actors, high-caliber actors who not only master the art of being human but also who make you care for their characters. When you combine talent like that, you get movies like Pet. Oh man! What a beauty!

Now, in regards to the characters, you have Holly who is your average hardworking American woman, one more waitress/writer flooding the streets of L.A., one more of us with struggles and dreams. And bad luck.

Also, you have Seth, your average hardworking American man, one more whose life seems to be absorbed by monotony and shyness, one more of us with fears and loneliness. And bad luck.

Appearances are deceiving, yes, we already knew that, but, how deceiving are they really? How badly can you judge someone based on how they look or what they do for a living? How defenseless is a woman walking home by herself at night? Likewise, how non-threatening can be that quiet guy who minds his own business and never gets in trouble? How far can you go to feel special? How far can you go to save someone?

I am happy for you, yes you reading this. If you did what I asked you to at the beginning of this entry, then you must be enjoying the first minutes of the film and about to get your mind blown. On the other hand, if you didn’t, well, good for you but seriously, go watch the goddamn movie right now, would you?

This fresh blood made me feel proud to be a horror fan. HORROR IS THE SHIT!

—Marath

STD From Hell aka Not The Target Audience aka Reasons Why I Hate IT FOLLOWS (2014)

Original Post Date: 03.26.17

I am a complicated woman. Sometimes I hate something so much that I cannot stop thinking about it. Sometimes I hate something so much that I obsess until I get it out of my system. Sometimes I watch a movie I absolutely hate more than once. Sometimes I even write about it. So, let’s talk about it. Let’s talk about IT FOLLOWS (2014).

I was curious about the movie only because of the famous freeze-frame that’s been used on many memes all over the web, you know, the one with a dead girl at the beach with her body contorted? That picture made me add the movie to my to-watch list but I pushed it to the bottom as the story did not sell it to me. But finally I got around it due to my own laziness as I was aimlessly browsing Netflix (not a sponsor) and IT FOLLOWS was there, so I clicked play. Little did I know that the famous dead girl scene belonged to the opening sequence and did not have much to do with the main character, so after that that was it. I should have clicked stop right then and I would have had a better experience. Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.

She is our main character. Her name is Jay. And that one right there is Jeff who also goes by his asshole alias “Hugh”. And I am only saying asshole alias because he is an asshole as he intentionally gave Jay an STD from hell. Yes, you read it correctly. Jeff, no, Hugh infected Jay for life with a supernatural sexually transmitted disease that cannot be cured and, allegedly, can only be contained by passing it to someone else, and should that ‘someone else’ person get killed by the supernatural STD ghost, well my friend, bad news for you.

So this is a good idea, and I honestly mean it. I do not recall another movie that used sex as the only medium for evil to spread across a population. Kudos for this. Now, my only problem with it is that by sex being the only way to transmit it, you are demonizing sex by itself which is total bullshit. But I get it, the movie is for an specific demographic which does not include me. I am not the target audience. I am a non-religious married woman in my thirties and not a Christian single girl in my teens.

Had the story made the differentiation that unprotected sex would get you killed and that protected sex (condom!) would not get you killed, then I would have had no problem with it. Give people options and do not demonize something that doesn’t need it. 

This is the perfect time to mention the reasons why I hate IT FOLLOWS: the lack of parental figures or, actually, of any other capable adults – the teenagers went about their struggles all by themselves without an older and wiser person of authority; the absurdity of coming and going to places for a long period of time without any struggle – do you want to go to my summer house to chill, or maybe to an abandoned and fully functional pool (wtf!?) to try to kill the STD ghost that follows you; or what about the asshole who infected you, do you want to pay him a visit to his house and not have an argument like a normal human being an instead drink juice at his backyard; and what about not calling 911 when you see your friend’s house been broken into by one of the STD ghosts? (for this last one, go here to watch my Instagram reaction video)

That’s it man. Phew. I feel like it’s finally over. I am done complaining about the movie. I am done. I can now move on with my life like a well-adjusted adult. I am done talking about something that affected me for being so absurd and unrealistic. But before I wrap-up this post, let me tell you that there is a vast difference between a supernatural horror movie dealing with nonrealistic human behavior, and between a supernatural horror movie dealing with real human characters who no matter how ridiculous things get for them, you know that at the end of the day they would be okay because their level-headed common sense attitude would give them a chance at survival. If they have a chance, you have a chance.

Good night, (condom)

- Marath

THIS FRESH BLOOD: Nekromantik 2 (1991)

Original Post Date: 03.13.17

I had a bad feeling when Sex & Death Mastermind Jorg Buttgereit introduced his film as a love story, not a horror story.

Confession time. I had built the anticipation so much for this sequel that I was really blindsided by how boring it turned out to be. I feel a little bit guilty for saying this but, I really did not like Nekromantik 2 (1991). Why? WHY!? Nekromantik (1987) was perfection and it was actually the highlight of THIS FRESH BLOOD series in 2016 (read review here).

I am completely out of words. I don’t want to dwell on the negatives so let’s stretch the positives and use bullet points for them, shall we? ** SPOILERS AHEAD **

• Monika (our main character) steals Robert’s (the first movie’s main character) corpse from his freshly covered gravesite  
  

• Monika looks like a total badass while digging up the grave (smoke break anyone?)
  

• Betty (Robert’s ex-girlfriend) makes a late appearance at the now empty gravesite (OMG Betty!)
  

• Monika has tender sex with Robert’s corpse at her apartment, she seems to love Robert
  

• Monika and Robert’s romantic polaroid’s
  

• Monika meets a new [living] guy, Mark, and she seems to love him
  

• Jorg Buttgereit’s cameo at the movie theater where Monika and Mark met
  

• Monika looks yet again like a total badass while getting rid of Robert by chopping off his rotting body and returning it to the gravesite inside blue bags
  

• Monika keeps the head and penis as souvenirs
  

• Penis in the fridge (or is it leftovers?)
  

• Girls night in with Robert’s head on the coffee table
  

• Behind the scenes of porn dubbing
  

• “She doesn’t want me to move during sex and takes weird pictures of myself.” – Mark
  

• Mark’s dark ending met with the most original switcheroo (LOL Frankenhooker flashbacks!)
  

• How do you call an embryo made out of headless daddy’s sperm? (I don’t know, I am asking you)
  

This fresh blood was not what I was expecting. (get it? I make jokes)

- Marath